| sure get the salmon, i love salmon |
[Dec. 4th, 2009|02:27 pm] |
oh journal,, what a lonely day....
if this is some elaborate scheme to slowly drive me insane, it is definitely working..
im forced to put everything into a rational context and i hate it... if this, then that. something had to have backfired without my knowledge..
i knew i shouldn't have taken that hit..
everything is an underground test and no matter what you say, everyone judges the shit out of you
i wish i could see it through her eyes... how excited i must have looked. so naive.
ive given too much of myself away recently and for little reward..
at least ill always have you Rage Fairy |
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| ill be right there........ |
[Dec. 1st, 2009|02:06 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | lair of wisdom | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | maladroit | ] |
| [ | music |
| | glee soundtrack | ] |
i want there to be an old sage... like liam neeson's character in Batman begins.. who inhabits a small space at the top of a formidably sized mountain; one that you cant drive to.. so youre forced to make the journey on foot..
for i am in need of some advice..
its crazy the feeling of just dangling there... in the web of life.. scrounging and collecting, trying to make things your own and to make yourself stand out..
keep breathing..
this past week has been pretty insane... i dont feel like me.
How am i not myself?
having said that.. this week has also been pure glory and almost instantaneous glee! My individual conquest is only rivaled by repeated boosts of self esteem and the continual reassurance that women as a whole refuse reality in all respects...
you ate the whole wheel of cheese?! im not even mad
i wish they knew my entire past. my story. because then everything i say would sound more meaningful.
"you give me all that i need just by breathing"
fucking new moon... |
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| legitimate waves of encompassing superiority |
[Nov. 11th, 2009|11:12 am] |
"i am not controlling!.... ok. i like things how i like them, but who doesn't?"
if my life were a movie i would totally go for all of the single mothers out there... (even the white ones :) like Michelle pfeiffer) instead of freshly picked nubile little fuzzy peaches that do not have a single fraction of a useful piece of information to teach me... or perhaps they do hold all of the secrets.. i just don't have the right keys... not pushing the right buttons... so to speak.. i doubt it though... but i think with a movie plot in line behind me it would be hard to lose.. especially if it were an American flic.
arcade games. pick out one that you can do. okay? ONE that you can do. as opposed to a whole bunch of em' you dont know what the hell your doin...
pretty sure priorities don't exist for me anymore.... i am trapped in the ebb and flow that masquerades itself as life's energy...
the details of my life are quite unconscionable... and in excess...
im getting too old for this shit... i feel old... i should be worrying about fucking health care.. my chest is black with pestilence....
can i get an ovation? |
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| chrysanthemums and waves of tumbleweeds |
[Jan. 7th, 2009|03:17 am] |
so as of right now i have no idea whats going on...
if i could make any sort of rational prediction it would be made.... but sadly... this is not possible...
i really never know where to begin... how personal this becomes...
everything seems like a flash of light... so quickly things become the past and it is not like me to dwell so heavily..
... i guess i cant keep up...
sooooo completely and utterly insane; ruthlessly brutal and unmatched in chaotic ridiculousness...
a myriad of absurdities... and rampant niggers.... in your area/ streets..
crescendo!
this is how its supposed to be i am certain. |
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| kinky reggae |
[Nov. 8th, 2008|02:28 am] |
i am incredibly happy at the moment.
i find it an impossible emotion to describe.. oddly..
and sure there are many obvious factors left to run rampant in my mind..
the so called, 'cause' of this disposition..
and i will not haste to lose these projections.
i think it is actually the complete and uninterrupted flow of hope which i am feeling..
yes.
and ive waited far to long to post this
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| the supposed anniversary of the discovery of the new world (which is about to be destroyed) |
[Oct. 11th, 2008|11:52 pm] |
i picture an illuminated manuscript...
that details space travel and all of its secrets.
the exact limits and boundaries in which a human life can withstand and be sustained
how one is supposed to live.
inside the space ship and also the spaceship itself.
glowing, multi-colored.
like an exoskeleton.
know what i mean?
everything that ever was or will be.
separation.
that moose is loose! |
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| Note- Talk to "Tank" at the Trading Post |
[Sep. 20th, 2008|02:37 am] |
Im going to try and describe everything i think about at school or indeed, while i should be thinking about school.
Surfing- people first began surfing on wooden square boards...... im not sure the date...
basketball- machine gun, cross dribble, Udonis, etc.
elephants twice the size of large farm equipment with elongated faces at the end of their trunks which control the wind and electricity with mickey mouse hands... YOU KNOW, elephants actually communicate speaking in very low tones; inaudible to the human ear these sounds can travel up to 4 miles!
snakes.
apes with heart shaped feet that lie about like landscape with bald hindu men floating nearby on their own accord, playing the flute...... continued continued continued continued continued.....
eggs, over easy, and that the environment shapes and even determines who we become.
American Gladiators, and what it would turn into if it was called the, 'American Indian Gladiators' beefy, color coordinated, dodging and flinging= pure glee
BREAKIN' YOUR BONG IN THE NAME OF JESUS!
Libras (triangle shaped creatures that i created... you know triangular. like the constellation) talking in Tourettes Guy speak.. (MY ASS, ASS, HOLY DUMB FUCK, MENS ASSES, SHUT UP KID YOURE A DICK, whats that white stuff? THATS MY ASS!)
tokugawa shogunate
mongols
galileo, tolemy, robert, moogle sultans, capernicus, rabbits, SHAKA ZULU, afrika center of the world, afrikaaaa, scientific revolution, french/american revolution, revolutions in general i guess, the enlightenment, the victorian era, etc..
riding a bike with two people
"everything you could ever want or be, you already have and are"
Time. Do i dare disturb the universe?
Fuck hearts and kittys and flowers and birds and rainbows! Fuck Em!
"i change the days, day by day"
gravity, rat tails, how no one knows how to throw a boomerang, or even worse, what a Maserati Boomerang is:
being trapped by a net. net force, if you will.
satan as a centaur telling me that, "none of this matters"
"contributing to the delinquence of a minor"
clifford size dogs with people playing tennis on their backs.
What happens to the souls of frozen embryos? |
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| cistern of hypocracy |
[Aug. 29th, 2008|04:38 pm] |
its days like today that i can plan my escape.
everything everything everything everything everything everything everything everything everything
im invisible |
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| upidation and the small area of lilly |
[Aug. 27th, 2008|01:00 pm] |
my conception of time lately has been severely distorted. its not like time seemingly goes by at either a slower or more rapid pace, its just that with summer over and school starting itself back up again, my recollection of events all seem to collect together in my mind and its up to me to pull out individual ones and act upon them..
i guess i just put things off for no other reason than immediate convenience; but dont we all??
what matters really is that im trying to be more assertive in general and consequently will not ostensibly disappear for apparently no reason...
no other huge changes.. i started growing out a mustache, but im pretty indifferent about it..
time really is an obscure construct.. what if we were all created 5 minutes ago with predisposed memories; how would we know the difference? and what if time stopped, whould i keep aging? did time stop millions of years ago and im actually a few thousand years old and should look to retire??
there is an element here that most do not understand.. but really, its all just semantics..
looking down from above,
we dont need no trouble,
what we need is love. |
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| Last updated: 49 whales aho |
[Aug. 26th, 2008|12:26 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | HEY GRANDMA | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | washed/ reused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | satisfy my soul, robert marley | ] |
somehow ive survived all this time....
STILL ALIVE
i know ive been pretty shady lately.. shade master really.. and ive got no excuses... besides gypsies and potions and spells and such.. naturally..
anyway,
ive recently been trying out my luck on consecutive intimate sessions but have sadly not reached any sort of commonplace or goal of any sort (no bases have been rounded)
have i simply forgotten the caustic civilities that make one so overly keen to this seemingly primordial occurrence? i 'avent got an edge at the moment i fear.. and all the while something keeps telling me that i would truly be better off without the inconvenience altogether..
its desperation really.. inexperience meets infrequent meets chewbacca...
* Shyriiwook (also known as Wookieespeak), the main trade language of Wookiees
* Thykarann, a dialect of Shyriiwook spoken by Kashyyyk natives
* Xaczik, a language spoken on the Wartaki Islands of Kashyyyk
really its difficult now to even entertain the small victories.. |
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| severus |
[Sep. 13th, 2007|08:32 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | doesnt matter | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  nauseated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | jugjugjugjugjug | ] |
i lose
all the time.
at all times....
there is no winning |
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| snake on the rabbit, the fire in the robert |
[Aug. 1st, 2007|05:21 pm] |
i dont even think i can live up to myself... i could be in a steady decline.im not entirely sure though.. i-ther that or ive just run out of anything original to say and have reduced myself into the shouting out of random words like 'SNAKE' or 'BILL BELLAMY'
i should probably incooperate more llamas into my disposition.. perhaps attempt to own one??
i have a back yard.. DONT HATE!
RRRRRRRRRRABBIT
so i ride my bike pretty much every day now... and play mario kart... its a pretty well rounded summer i suppose..
not too much action..
ending it with maui then its back to the grind..
DRUG FREE THATS ME...
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| i live my life a quarter mile at a time.. |
[Jan. 31st, 2007|02:29 pm] |
DIE STEPPENWOLF!!
wait no, i cannot make this yet another pointless entry.. though i do get very carried away and such impulses are virtually uncontrollable..
so many things swimming through my head..
sunlight comes too soon.. and when i close my eyes it seems time speeds its way past at infinite speeds..
the earth spins at just over a thousand miles per hour.. and its revolution around the sun about sixty seven thousand miles an hour.. dizzy dizzy dizzy dizzy dizzy dizzle rizzle frizzle..
you know that the Star Wars movie set in Tatooine is still intact and the local people of the desert of Tunisia live inside of the sets! they are called troglodytes...
i never really thought that it was an actual people.. i always thought that in some ways i am a troglodyte..
...or maybe a neo-Luddite, as a genius inventor whom I used to date labelled me affectionately with a hint of mock-scolding on several occasions...
I prefer analog everything-- it's nostalgic and I'm a little slow (and stubborn) when it comes to the high tech... but no one human alive now has the ability to tap into the part of their intelligence needed to understand as advanced (or simple, if it's already encrypted in the human mind) a state of technology as the one I am attempting to imagine. We haven't even discovered that it might eventually materialize, though it probably exists now in some dimension. I'm trying to describe the potential of something I can not fathom, using a collection of words that actually mean nothing in the context of that which I am attempting to grasp the existential fringe of possible hypothetical comprehension; their meanings and connotations interact to evoke an abstract collective residual phantom feeling of the indescribable, which is presently as close to knowledge as is possible.
Scientists have recently discovered that they can use bacteria to take photographs of the microscopic realm, but photographic technology precedes the advent of electronic computation by how many years? 100? Oooh, we're close, but to what... who knows?
And to which words am I referring? I don't know yet.
I'll be the first to admit that I have no idea what I am talking about.
How could I?
last night i was starring off into the sky..
i'm pretty sure that Sirius or something about Sirius tried to "suck me in" or transmit something to me psychologically/astrally with its electro-magnetism or some other force of which I'm unaware.
Don't laugh. An infinite amount of things, concepts, ideas, realities, phenomena, etc. exist of which we may or may not be aware or able to detect or understand using our paltry five physical senses. I know this and so do many others. It is not a new concept.
Universum..
anyway, i feel like that guy in The Beast In the Jungle felt... although not as narcissistic.. but in a sense that im waiting for something great to happen and am almost certainly afraid of it.. how, when, and where are all factors in which i could not even begin to imagine.. perhaps i am a little self involved??
IF YOUR HEART IS FREE, THE GROUND YOURE STANDING ON IS LIBERATED TERRITORY!
DEFEND IT!
read this:
http://www.earthportals.com/hologram.html
ground control to major tom.....
commencing countdown engines on..
AAAAAAAAAAAAANDGO
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| pangea anddddddd eightttty four sssssssumakas |
[Jan. 10th, 2007|03:15 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | mouse | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | ccccant coontrooooool the mous | ] |
| [ | music |
| | control? | ] |
I want my next lover to speak little, if any, english. it's really only necessary for two people to have a few things in common:sex,food,and vacation destinations |
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| we've all seen this.. |
[Dec. 24th, 2006|05:25 am] |
a new investigation has led those parties involved into a deadly scandal of vilified pleasures and discredited orthodoxies... as it seems, the induction of a new a steadily broadening wave of scapegoats for displeasure arises within the umbra of the season..
so, in "light" of the christmas season i bring to you once again:
The Santa Conspiracy
The ideals and superstitions surrounding Santa clause i believe are factual. Evidence suggests that he does exist in some form with a conspiracy linked to George Bush (all conspiracies link to George bush) Also there has to be a link to the all powerful secret organization that is the majestic 12 (or the illuminati). By getting society to be cynical and dismiss him he could easily be working toward global domination and the New World Order to enslave the masses! They feed our greed with instant gratification and they know we are mindless lambs ready to believe anything and be led to slaughter. Also "he knows when you are sleeping, he knows when you're awake," sounds like big brother to me. He is an unseen power never to be challenged. On Christmas he replaces God diverting attention from spirituality to greed. Which in turn is what gives him and the illuminati the ability to control the worlds economy. I mean think about how much I must cost to run his operation- A secret arctic base, henchmen, massive distribution center, back engineered alien transportation. I believe that it comes directly from the CIA most likely from illegal drug trafficking, which in turn makes Santa responsible for the Crack Epidemic!
Santa conspiracy revealed through numerology- Santa comes out on dec. 24 or 12/ 24. or in other words 1+2/ 2+4. which equals 3/ 6 or three 6's-----666 the sign of the beast! Also on a minor note if you move the "n" in Santa to the end you get "satan"..... i hate anagrams though..........Quiet weapons for silent wars people, Quiet weapons for silent wars.
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| "______________________" |
[Dec. 23rd, 2006|06:44 am] |
i need to escape. speaking in the most immediate sense; from my dads.. and maybe with a few weeks of urgent and dire planning; the country..
my life is scattered all over the place, literally and figuratively... i feel the most efficient way of redeeming myself.. i guess..to myself.... is to stop watching what everyone else is doing and take some chances far away on my own..
and even if all my ideas are wrong, stupid, and immature... at least im doing something i came up with on my own.. made my own mistakes.. my own love... my own self..
... im finishing a bottle of merlot at 5:30am on a saturday morning..
i am not tired.
i feel sick.
sick in the uncontrollable coughing spasm sense... and also sick in the same escapism mind set of every other damned person it seems.. these days.. all humans think under the same mindset.. the same umbrella of ideas.. a whole malevolent umbra which so gracefully casts its shadow among the weak and the insecure... i cannot turn out to be one of these... and even if it were so, that i indeed am like all these others.. crying out for help.. but i actually went out and did anything about it; i would be considered a wolf among lambs... or perhaps that exact same analogy, only reversed..
im tired of waiting on people.. and picking up slack.. im tired of constantly being kept in check.... in line.. in focus.. and anything else that resembles the opposite. im tired of not speaking up.. and talked to like a little child... im tired of being taken advantage of.. and not taken seriously...
... i suppose all it is, is that im terribly frightened of my own future... i mean... i have a good 60 or so years left... at least...
what to do with all that time....
bide.
...i miss how things used to be
and thats where it all starts.
begin. |
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| halloween sucked.. |
[Nov. 2nd, 2006|03:47 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | the 70's | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hopeful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | mod squad | ] |
a lot of things have been completely amped up lately...
i cant really elaborate other than things have been breaking, ending, falling, spilling, and causing major physical and mental trauma... not just to me.. but my entire surroundings... my friends...
yesterday my lip started bleeding for no reason...
i guess it came as no surprise because i cant really remember the last time i went a day without shedding my own blood...
jeff went to go break some windows and slash some tires... i wish i couldve gone with him but i cant let down my bowling team which we amply named:
'Team Six Thousand Underwater Basket-weaving Energy United'
after the original name, 'Team 6' was thrown out..
anyway.. its not bad karma.. these dirty niggers deserve what theyre about to recieve.. a set of tires and windows it probably worth more than 500 dollars... but its the principle of the matter...
last night i went to go see these fine gentalmen instead of poorly attempting to dance my illness away at moscow...
the result was instantaneous glee..
last month in the apartment... jamaica coming up.. new car to buy.. tickets to pay off.. regroup, regather thoughts... no drugs... save money.. love...
im starting to fall for someone.. which is not good considering the circumstances..
not my fault.. |
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| going home my own way |
[Oct. 23rd, 2006|05:15 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blank | ] |
| [ | music |
| | circa | ] |
-The problem with the youth of today' is that one is no longer part of it.
-Drawing is the honesty of the art. There is no possibility of cheating.
-At the age of six I wanted to be a cook. At seven I wanted to be Napoleon. And my ambition has been growing steadily ever since.
-Have no fear of perfection, you'll never reach it.
................slow down and enjoy life. It's not only the scenery you'll miss, but the sense of where you are going and why.
happy halloween charlie brown..
remember to take those cat tokes
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| novermber 30th is doomsday |
[Oct. 17th, 2006|01:53 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | yelling all the time | ] |
| [ | music |
| | all night long | ] |
Abstract.
For n-dimensional diffusion in Gaussian random fields, with continuous and singular covariances, the leading long-time behaviour of the averaged population is derived by estimating Brownian motion expectations. It is shown how these results are related to the leading low-energy behaviour of the density of states for a particle in a corresponding random potential and to the strong-coupling limit of the free energy of the Pekar-Frolich polaron.
Living in Paramount equals me being an unintelligent waste... i continue to procrastinate and persue sumpreme lethargy to its bitter end.. At the core of this all lies my attention to substance material and fund related allocations that could easily be put to greater use.. i suppose its the landslide of accumulating despair which sparks the laziness and causes infinite justification at the right perception..
fuck school.
fuck da police.
fuck me.
and fuck drugs.
its getting to the point where i dont know if i can do this alone...
theres only one more step down.. after that its an infinity of darkness; falling into a pit with no bottom..
hopefully i wont catch none of that Jungle Fever...
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| yesterday killed me for being alive |
[Oct. 2nd, 2006|02:16 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  numb | ] |
| [ | music |
| | mew- snow brigade | ] |
it wouldve been nice to get out of that locker room yesterday at work with something to look forward to.. not knowing what lies ahead; but to have a purpose for my actions..
.............probably just bbq though..
3 years is a fucking long time..
theres so much to write.. but i guess its not really worth it..
i cant do this anymore..
:/
"brodie, id give it all up... all of it... for one more day with her............ take care" |
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rockingmyd's journal
quixotic